He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
