How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
