The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
