And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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