last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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