i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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