i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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