i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the condom got lost in my hair
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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