I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
