we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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