Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
