Having a random hookup so left but love u
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
