I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
