I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
