Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
