This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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