He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
