I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My pussy is not your playground.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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