Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I did not marry a roomba.
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