Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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