Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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