Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
