I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
