so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
