The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Found your dick twin last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
