All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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