I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
