ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
