Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
