So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
