the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
