dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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