Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
True strength comes from lack of pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
