May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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