Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
