Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When are your genitals available?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
