I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
