Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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