You made me cry and you don't even care
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
