I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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