I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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