So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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