that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
