i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
