An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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