I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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