Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
