he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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