I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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