On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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