if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
