So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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