you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
