sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
