I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
